i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
