I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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