I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
