Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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