it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize