Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
