Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
