oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
