Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
