i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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