it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
