I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
