3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
