he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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