ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We talked him into tasing himself.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
