dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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