she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
