Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize