I wannas sexs uuuuu
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
