no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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