She announced her abortion via fbk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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