Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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