Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
