apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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