awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
