I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
