Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
