Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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