I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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