Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
