he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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