well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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