Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
