he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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