Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
