her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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