can u get pink eye on your cock?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
