got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Less talking, more tequila
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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