Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
