why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Every concussion has its silver lining
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
