Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
