DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
