We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
