You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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