I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
