Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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