I think I died a long time ago.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize