He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
