mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize