I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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