it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
