Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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