Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
