I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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