12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
