I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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