The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
