if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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