you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize