nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
