I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize