in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
