nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
