I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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