I want to stick my p in your. b.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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