we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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