Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
