I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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