So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
